Who Am I?

Who am I?

Good question. Well, I’m a lot of things. I’m a 38 year old professional. I’m a mom to an amazing little boy. I’m a wife to a fabulous husband. I’m a daughter, a step daughter, and a daughter-in-law. I’m a sister-in-law, a step sister, an aunt, and the proud owner of a goofy, but sweet, dog.

Who I am not, is a very good runner.

You have to understand, until May 2010, I had long embraced the “I don’t run unless someone is chasing me” motto. Truly - I had embraced it my entire life. Don't get me wrong - I was always active in sports as a child, and even into adulthood, but only sports that didn’t involve a lot of running. Softball was great! Soccer was not happening. Have you SEEN the size of a soccer field? WAY too much running going on in that sport!

So what in the world made me – the non runner, the one who truly believed that people running out in the heat and humidity (for the fun of it - not because there was a weapon toting person or rabid animal in obvious pursuit of them) must have lost their minds – go from the "Running is evil," to "I think I'll train for a half marathon!" mindset? Well, I’m still not exactly sure that I don’t need my own head examined to better answer that question, but here's how it all started.

As the year 2009 drew to a close, I found myself in a rough place mentally and physically. My husband and I had just thrown in the towel on an unsuccessful year and a half of battling unexplained secondary infertility. I was frustrated, anxious, and depressed. On top of that, our only child was now 3 years old, and I was still carrying the “baby weight” I never lost after pregnancy. Weight which, I guess you can’t technically call “baby weight” after 3 years, can you? I mean, truth be told, it was more like “ice cream and McDonald’s value meal weight,” but hey - I had enough issues going on in my head already. For the sake of my own sanity, "baby weight" was my story, and I was sticking to it! 

Anyway, there I sat, heading into the new year, frustrated, anxious, depressed, and to top it all off - overweight, too. Awesome. I decided one night, after polishing off the last of a box of Tastykakes, that I had had enough. It was time to get myself back on track. I couldn't do anything about the infertility unless I won the lottery and could afford in-vitro (I'm totally getting a house with a pool if I win the lottery, too... just saying...), but I could absolutely do something about my weight - so that's where I started. Since I’ve never been a big fan of exercise in general, I opted for an organized diet plan. I signed up, went to my meetings, and followed the plan, and 18 pounds lighter, I felt great! So great, in fact, that I thought maybe adding in some exercise might help me drop a few more pounds.

GASP! I said “exercise,” the dreaded word.

I really hate working out, but figured I’d give it a try anyway. I had heard from some friends about the Couch-to-5k training program that came highly recommended for beginners, and I thought I’d give it a shot. Why not? Everyone else seemed to like it. Maybe I could learn to love running, too. The weather was getting nice, so I would be able to run outside. How bad could it be?

So just like that, in May 2010, I laced up my sneakers and started running.

And it sucked.

A lot.

I was winded after 30 seconds of running. Seriously. 30 seconds. What had I been thinking? But I stuck with it, and ran again that week, and then again another day, and then 3 days the following week.

And, well, it still sucked.

A lot.

And I was certain I would be throwing in the towel on this lame attempt at running. I couldn't see what anyone could possibly like about it. It was just too hard! I convinced myself that I just wasn't meant to be a runner.

Then, as I cursed and grumbled my way through 60 second running intervals for a week or two, I got a flyer in the mail for Team in Training. As someone who lost a family member to leukemia years before, Team in Training and the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society had always been a cause close to my heart, and I had received their flyers for years, but always tossed them into the trash because there was no way I was capable of running a half or full marathon, biking 100 miles, or completing a triathlon. Don't get me wrong - these were amazing things in theory - fantastic events for OTHER people. But for me – it wasn’t going to happen. Ever.

Except that for some reason, that year, something was different.

I held on to the flyer. I carried it around with me for a couple weeks. I read it over and over and over again. I knew if I went forward on my own, I would give up on the Couch-to -5k plan. But what if I had a coach to help me train? What if I had a team to run with? What if I had a schedule to follow that held me accountable for the miles? What if I was part of something so much greater than just running, by being part of this amazing Team?


I attended an informational meeting, and somehow the coach I spoke with that night made me completely believe that despite the fact I couldn’t even run a mile without walking at that point in time, I would be fully capable of finishing a half marathon just 4 months down the road. I was certain she must be just as crazy as I was to even ask bring myself to the informational meeting, and yet at the same time, some part of me believed she might actually be right. Maybe I would really be able to do something so completely ridiculous as a half marathon. Yeah, sure - why not? (um, perhaps because you suck at running?) 

So I took the leap of faith – I registered with Team in Training and my life changed forever on that day in May.  

I had a training schedule that held me accountable to the miles. I had a coach who believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself. I found a strength in myself I had no idea existed – all thanks to Team in Training.

 Who Am I NOW?

Now I’m now one of “those” crazy people who runs 4 times a week in 100 degree temps in the summer, and runs 4 days a week in the dark, in sub-freezing temps in the winter.  I’m no longer overweight, or anxious, or depressed (well, let's be honest - I still have a solid 15 pounds I'd like to wake to find magically gone tomorrow, but really - what girl doesn't, right?). I still battle many of the same demons (Tastykakes, sadness over never having another child, McDonald's french fries), but running helps keeps my waistline down despite my sweet tooth, and my sanity in check despite my heartbreak. 

Since May 2010, I've trained for, and run in, 4 half marathons, and I just finished my very first FULL marathon. Yep - can't say I EVER thought my name would be associated in any way with the word "marathon". Well, unless it was a "Teen Heartthrobs of the 80s - Where Are They Now?" marathon on TV - I could watch those marathons for days on end if given the chance...

I started this blog two years ago because I truly was a Rookie Runner at the time. I was terrible, and slow, and often miserable. I questioned what I was doing constantly (and sometimes still do!), but I have always been too stubborn to quit once I made the commitment to Team in Training (though I thought about it seriously on MANY occasions). 


Now, I'm a Runner

I'm still a terribly ugly, annoyingly slow (I mean - seriously - you know it's bad when you annoy yourself with your slowness), and often clumsy (I think I own some sort of support and/or brace for every muscle and joint from the waist down), so I think it's safe to say that despite a good 2 years of running under my belt, I still have quite a lot to learn, making my "rookie" status still a little too relevant. 


I ask you to join me as I continue my running journey - trying to figure out what to do next, where to go from here, and I get back to documenting my ups and downs in training and racing. I can tell you for sure that the journey won't always be pretty, but my stubborn self will keep pushing forward, so please, come along with for the wild ride!